Saturday, April 4, 2009

Day 38: Don’t you understand??? (Luke 18:31-34) 03 Apr 09

Why? Why? Why? This is the most common question asked when one is going through suffering. Single word, mono-syllabus; but it speaks of the deepest and most profound emotions of the sufferer. And often, in fact most of the time, we have no answer. Though we try to come out with a reasonable reason, the truth is that we are not really satisfied with our answer. We are merely satisfying our intellect, but there is still a void in our emotion.

Jesus is heading towards Jerusalem, He once again tells His disciples about His sufferings, but they cannot understand. Luke commented that they were prevented from understanding, and as Luke writes this, he and those disciples probably knows what has happened, and understand by then. It is on the hind sight they understand. It is also on the hind sight that we have a glimpse of understanding why we suffer at times.

This weekend is going to be busy for me. Friday, I have a combined meeting of the small groups designated under my care; Saturday, I have to bring a small group of boys for a hike at Bukit Timah Hill; but I am sick. I started to fall sick on Wednesday evening, having some irritation in the throat; by Thursday after I checked out the place for hiking, my voice get hoarse and nose get stuffy; and Friday, my nose just started to run and I started coughing. Now as I am writing, my nose still stuffy and throat still irritating. I still need to lead the boys to the top of the Hill later.

I ask God, why doesn’t He heal me now? I need to experience that power. It is suffering for me to keep clearing my nose as I hike. I still need to work on Sunday; I am on standby for my colleague. Why? Why? Why?

Of course my suffering here is small compared to many others, but the point is I questioned God for His purpose and His goodness, I questioned His character! I don’t understand Him now. I cannot comprehend what He is doing to me now! Though I can rationalize, theologicalize and even spiritualize my experience, but in reality I don’t understand fully what is happening here.

I just have to be patience and wait. I just have to believe that God is sure and stedfast, even though I don’t understand. It’s complicated right? I also don’t seem to have any answer here today. Are you confused of what I am writing?

It’s mystery. Don’t you understand?


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