Day 13: Anticlimax… (Luke 9:43-45) 09 Mar 09

I don’t take my off day on Monday; reason being I could be experiencing spiritual high on Sunday, and a sudden break or stop of the momentum may lead me into an uneasy quietness and even temptation to contemplate on my ‘spiritual highness’ rather than a day to contemplate on God. Well this is only my personal preference, I have no intention to mean that other pastoral staffs are contemplating on their ‘spiritual highness’ rather than God.

I do not want to be caught off guard with an anticlimax. I may not be able to handle it well. I may fall into my own trap of wanting more ‘spiritual highness’, this is greed; spiritual greed. I may fall into my sense of being ‘spiritually higher’ than others, this is pride; spiritual pride. I think I need to get back to reality of going back to the office to get down to work, to be humble to learn from others through listening to a sermon or reading a book.

I still need time to digest what the Lord has spoken to me the day before and process it and let my spirit embraces it. If not, it will be merely head knowledge, without my heart in it. Yesterday, the Lord was dealing with my prejudice and today the Lord reconfirms it with a message on forgiveness. It is not about being forgiven, but to forgive those who have offended me. And I remember suddenly; yesterday, this issue was also being brought up, but I may have unintentionally ignored it. I am thankful that the Lord doesn’t stop speaking after Sunday, He continues to speak until I hear it and process it and obey it.

Actually, I understand why God is speaking to me about forgiveness; but my challenge will be to go and apologize and forgive those who may not even know they have offended me. My question will be: why now? I really don’t understand fully. It is just a small thing, there is no hurry about it, and it is not hurting anyone. I have even confessed it to God, for Him to forgive me about it; do I still need to forgive others even they may not be aware?

I can’t understand, maybe I choose or pretend not able to understand. But deep within me, I know; God want this root of bitterness to be out of my life, so that I can live freely and serve without being tied to the ground. It is not going to be easy for me; I will have to deal with my pride. I pray that God will give me enough grace to obey Him.

I know it is an anticlimax, but necessary for me to carry on the journey to the Cross. I cannot carry my pride and bitterness to the Cross. What about you?

HHS…

Abel…