I almost want to give up and skip this devotion. So I will keep it really short. If I give up, I will be breaking a promise to myself, I will feel that I am useless and cannot even keep up to what I have committed to do. If I give up; I will be seen as not as ‘spiritual’ as I should be, not able to keep up with my own devotion. Then how to lead others?
But as I take a little time to meditate and reflect my motive of wanting to write, it is not because I have a reputation to live for, or an expectation to live up to. In the first place, no one knows expect me to write, the church does pay me to write. I am also not a well-know writer whereby people are looking forward to read my devotions, not many people actually read. Am I writing out of a sense of legalistic spirit or a sense of joy because God is speaking to me in my writing? I think the answer is the later one: I do have a sense of joy as I write because God speaks to me as I write.
God impresses in my heart and through my fingers, He reveals to me my deep desires and also His timely word for me. I really want to give up tonight. But I am glad I write, because God has revealed to me my motive of writing. Then when the day comes whereby God demands me to giving up writing, I will have to face the challenge of choosing between God and what God has given me.
Just like my family which God has given me, it will be very painful for me to give up on them or rather for them to leave me. But ultimately I have to choose God over them. It is easier to say than done. I only pray that I will keep remembering that all I have is given by God, I am merely a steward, I am to give them up and back to God anything as He wants them back for good.
Are you ready to give up too? I am very sleepy now. I have to stop. I give up.
HHS…
Abel…
Abel…
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